


in the closet, in the hall

by unbearable



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Friendship, Jonas is a Good Bro, Jonas' POV, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9281732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbearable/pseuds/unbearable
Summary: Isak coming out to him was sort of a time to reflect on how he'd known all along.(very Jonas and Isak centric)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not very dialogue heavy, just Jonas reflecting on how he'd been aware of Isak's sexuality for a while before Isak's even come out, because these two endlessly kill me with their friendship and I need More.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys :)

"It's not a girl."

Although Jonas keeps a passive expression, chewing absently at his kebab, the words have his heart bursting with pride and his stomach swooping with happiness. Finally, after so much struggling, and so much secrecy, and all of the self-deprecation, here's his best friend, accepting himself, enough so that he's confident and comfortable enough to come out.

Jonas has never been more proud.

He knew, of course he did. He thinks that maybe he's known for years now. Isak having a crush on him was nothing new. In fact, Jonas is pretty sure he'd realized before Isak even had, because he'd caught on when Isak had still allowed his touches to linger, and his smiles to grow to their fullest capacity. It was probably only during last fall that he'd begun to fully reign in his feelings, becoming more aware of the things he said, the way he stared - 

It had always been slightly bothersome that Isak figured he had to watch himself. It wasn't as if Isak crushing on him was gross or unnerving for Jonas, he'd actually thought it was quite cute, if a bit cliché. But Isak had never tried anything, or made any comments that made him feel uncomfortable, not that Jonas ever thinks he could. They'd been best friends since grade school, and there was little that Isak could do or say that'd cross any lines.

Still, Isak was a bit obvious, especially when it had come to him (or maybe that was best friend's intuition?). He gazed upon him as if he'd hung the moon and the stars, and Jonas was never sure what he'd done to deserve the fond devotion; it must have been in a past life or something, because he's aware of just how awesome his best friend, and anybody that gathers his attention should be so lucky.

It's been a while since Isak stared at him that way, since his touch had been anything more than friendly and platonic. Still, he can't help but ask, "is it me?" if only to see Isak's reaction.

He wouldn't have expected anything but the bashful expression that arises, cheeks tinged pink and smile too anxious, as a string of denial flies from his mouth. If Jonas didn't know any better, if he hadn't been paying attention this entire time, he'd of thought otherwise.

Instead, he thinks. It's definitely not Magnus, and there's little to no evidence of it being Mahdi - and for some reason, he's thinking of Chris, Penetrator Chris.

There had been, a thing, of sorts, last year. Following, or maybe even during, maybe even before, the Yakuza fiasco. The bastards had fucked his face up, and they'd also fucked with Chris, and soon enough, he and Isak were teaming up with The Penetrators for some confrontation.

Isak had been having 'meetings' with Chris, at least, that's what he'd always say. He'd showed up late to many a class, mouth bright and eyes a little glassy, hair and clothing askew in ways that made Jonas want to laugh with how obvious he was. And a part of Jonas thought, hey, maybe Isak's bi, because wasn't Sara a thing at some point? And a part of Jonas thought, hey, he has to be making out with a chick, because maybe he'd held - still, some resentment towards Chris.

And maybe that's why Isak never told him. Jonas was angry enough that he'd hooked up with Eva, something of which led to their break-up, and what if he thought that now, since Chris was hooking up with Isak, it could lead to similar events?

In retrospect, Jonas kicks himself for all the bad things he said about Chris during that time. There was always a flicker in Isak's expression, like he wanted to confess, or maybe even defend him, but he'd always ended up nodding tersely along to whatever Jonas was saying, a far-off look in his eyes. Jonas almost wants to say 'damn him' for being so impressionable, but he also wants to damn himself for making Isak feel that he couldn't tell him.

And who knows, maybe that's why things ended between Isak and Chris. Maybe Isak decided he couldn't be with, or even continue to sneak around with (because what was the real state of their relationship? Jonas would probably never know), someone he had to hide from his best friend. Or maybe Chris did what Chris did best, and fucked things up between them with a stupid comment, or slept with some other sorry kid behind Isak's back.

And doesn't that thought piss him off.

Whatever the case, though, this boy, it couldn't be, or was most likely not, Chris. It was early summer when they stopped hanging out. It was sort of sudden, Jonas remembers, and Isak had been upset, and after some companionable lounging around in Jonas' bed, playing video games for hours, pretending that he didn't know what it was about, Jonas had said to Isak, "Y'know what, you're too cool for him, anyway."

Isak had snorted, but there was this small sigh of relief as he, for just a split second, rested his head against Jonas' shoulder, and muttered a quiet, "Takk." And if Jonas pressed a kiss to his temple, full of endless love and comfort, but passed it off as a playful, humorous gesture, then that was just between them.

Anyways, Isak hadn't showed that he had feelings for Chris since maybe a couple weeks afterwards, so Jonas thinks of recent events.

Isak has been acting weird because of this boy, he'd said it himself, and Jonas thinks of dance class.

There was a boy. He'd shown up while he and Isak were in the midst of arguing, an argument that he had tried so hard to avoid, but his frustration had simply boiled over at Isak's obvious distaste towards the girls, and his blatant jab at the instructor for being gay.

He'd noticed Isak's behaviour, clearly, before Isak had. He felt like he'd been walking on a tightrope for months now, because Isak didn't want to talk about anything. Jonas had known it was something to do with boys, and the fact that Isak definitely liked them - it was becoming more obvious in the way he no longer even pretended to admire girls the way he and the boys did. Discussions of sex and the like had Isak sitting silently, fucking around on his phone, or staring distractedly into the distance.

Isak was tired. He'd been putting this charade up for years, and Jonas wanted to scream at him that he knew. He wanted to tell him to stop over-thinking it, and that nobody, at least not the people who truly mattered, would care. But this ran deeper, and he was very aware of how Not Ready™ Isak was to address his feelings, despite having acted on them with Chris way back when.

(But Chris was also the master of seduction. There were always rumours and speculation about him; talk of him hooking up with boys who had been adamantly straight, him having coerced them to bed with him, and maybe it wasn't such a surprise that Isak had chosen not to acknowledge those feelings back then.

Even Jonas, albeit begrudgingly, had admitted that Chris was attractive.)

So, he allowed Isak his time and space. They'd begun to hang out less, starting with Isak bailing on them Friday night, and having this boy show up on Monday, with Isak's (his) snapback, claiming that Isak had left it behind on the day they were supposed to meet up.

Jonas caught that look. Isak's 'deer in headlights' expression, as he stared at this boy, his gaze almost pleading for him to either a) shut up, or b) go away. The boy had chosen a third option instead, an easy lie rolling off his tongue, and Jonas knew they'd been together. He wasn't sure in what way, but there was something there, and he found himself regretting the way he'd just gone off at Isak.

He was so obviously struggling, and having his best friend upset with him was not going to help. In the time that followed, Isak grew more weary and mysterious, and Jonas was noticing bags having showed up underneath his tired eyes in the times that he actually saw him. Y'know, when he wasn't breaking promises to attend parties or celebrate birthdays, or becoming violent with his friends.

It was a true testament to Jonas' patience. There were so many times he was on the verge of coming right out with it, stating that he knew, God, did he know that Isak was so gay, but that was Isak's job to do - his choice, to come out, that is. Jonas could only ever offer his ear, his help, his comfort, and hope that Isak came to him.

And here they are, sat on a bench, eating kebab, while Isak asked him to guess his crush, with the hint that it's not a girl.

Jonas doesn't have to guess anything. He's known since before halloween. But there's more to it, he thinks.

There was something in the way Isak's gaze would drift, hooking on something and being unable to look away. Jonas quickly came to the conclusion that yes, that was a good-looking boy, and the first couple times he caught it, he wasn't too terribly surprised. But then suddenly, Isak was watching this boy, thinking about this boy, with a face of 'he's hung the moon and the stars' and Jonas knew because he used to look at him that way.

There was a moment, he remembers, very specifically. He'd approached the wall of lockers that he and Isak share, and the boy was stood there, and though Jonas couldn't see his face, he saw Isak's, and he saw the flush over his cheeks, and the light in his eyes, his lips parted in that way that he does - it was something he hadn't actually seen in a while. It had been a nice surprise.

But Isak had still been miles away from him, and it was hard to feel happy when his best friend had been so intent on keeping this a secret from him, and was so persistent with the lies and excuses.

Isak was here now, though, at his side, staring at him with relief and anticipation, and Jonas felt it. He shared it. He never wanted to let go of it. "Is it that guy from Vilde's revue group?" He asks, knowing full-well what the answer is, the confirmation from Isak completely unnecessary. And it's a bitch to hold back his grin, as he wonders what this boy's name is.

"Even," Isak says, and it's calm, confident, content. His demeanour has been turned down about one thousand notches, and he looks like he could melt with relief.

They chat, and Jonas asks what the deal is, getting some insight as to why Isak's been so messed up over it all, because on top of actually coming to terms with his sexuality, Even seems to be jerking him around and giving him these mixed signals, and it all makes so much sense.

It's been a little while, and Jonas feels like he has his best friend back, because by the end of it, they're laughing and shoving one another, and Jonas can't help, in a moment of vulnerability, but to pull Isak into his arms and hug him tightly.

Initially, Isak tenses up, but maybe he senses that it's not out of pity, that Jonas needs this, too, and they stand there on the sidewalk for a while, holding each other in silence, before Jonas can drag himself away. He reaches up to tug at Isak's beanie, pulling it further over his ears, and he smiles softly, "I'm glad you told me," he whispers, and doesn't tack on the 'finally, finally, finally' that he so desperately wants to.

Isak smiles, too, all shy and so, so genuine, as he dips his chin forward, and his forehead comes to rest on Jonas' shoulder. "Thanks for," he takes in this deep breath, shrugging a bit, "Y'know, being so cool about it."

There's so much he could say. He could state the very obvious, in that nothing, especially not Isak's sexuality, could change the fact that Isak is his best friend, and always will be. Or, he could say that he's so cool because he'd always known. Both options have the potential for teasing and jokes.

But instead, Jonas pulls up Isak's beanie-covered head, pressing a loving kiss into his temple before gently pushing him away. "Yeah, yeah," he murmurs, finally allowing himself that over-joyed grin that's been itching at the corners of his mouth, beaming with happiness when Isak so effortlessly mirrors it.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on my newly created side-blog: unbearably-skam.tumblr.com <3


End file.
